MicroHoo: The Not-So-Bored Meeting!
by Kara Swisher
Posted on April 11, 2008 at 2:16 AM PT
Yes, the board of Yahoo is meeting today to try to devise new and more dastardly ways of wringing more money out of Microsoft.
For viewers just tuning in, so far this week on “As the Tiny-Incestuous-Petty-Juvenile-Digital World Turns,” Yahoo (YHOO) has been plenty busy:
An AOL (TWX) mashup deal!
A Google (GOOG) search-ad partnership!
Even–cue the trumpets!!!–the late entrance of that man-about-Silicon-Valley from Web 1.0, Frank Quattrone, working for Google, which is helping Yahoo on AOL (and, fun, snake-eating-itself fact: as a banker, Quattrone worked for Yahoo when it was contemplating buying eBay).
This is so deliciously sweet, in terms of geek soap opera, that I fear I may get a major cavity soon.
But like any hungry viewer, I want more! What, what, what could be the next twist and turn?
Here are three of my more creative brainstorms:
1. Reunite the dream team in United States v. Microsoft to scare the living daylights out of Steve Ballmer.
It will be like an antitrust version of “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” I am almost certain that Joel Klein, Janet Reno, David Boies and the ever-irascible Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson (the latter two pictured here) still are capable of giving Microsoft (MSFT) the willies.
2. If you want make former Yahoo merger partner and now Microsoft merger parter News Corp.’s (NWS) Rupert Murdoch squirm, there’s nothing like adding yet another wizened media mogul to the mix. My No. 1 choice would be some kind of hopelessly complex mashup with the properties of Sumner Redstone (pictured here), who controls both CBS (CBS) and Viacom (VIA). I am thinking something that includes SpongeBob SquarePants and those irksome girls from “The Hills” (also pictured here) and, say, Katie Couric.
3. Of course, the most surefire way to get more money from Microsoft: Hire Mark Zuckerberg (pictured here). So far, the 23-year-old wunderkind and his team at Facebook (well played, Owen Van Natta, well played!) have been the only ones able to get Microsoft to fork over an ungodly amount of money for a chance to own a small part of a hope and a dream and not-a-very-impressive bottom line.
If Zuckerberg can get a $15 billion valuation by putting up only SuperPokes and news feeds as collateral, I would find what he is drinking and get me some for myself.
Please see this disclosure related to me and Google.
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Comments
Kara I’m hoping this comes across as constructive criticism: please, pick a new topic. I’m a big fan of the blog but the past month you’ve written hardly a thing of consequence that did not involve the word “MicroHoo.” There has to be something else on your radar and I, for one, would love to hear about it.
Thanks for your attention.
Posted by Oliver Young at April 11th, 2008 at 10:36 amOliver:
Sorry, but it is the big story in tech right now and I am covering it to the end.
Also, just fyi, this week, I also wrote about VC Bob Davis, a visit to the Venture Summit East, Digg’s Jay Adelson, Arianna Huffington, Charlton Heston, OpenX, Hulu and Loren Feldman’s puppets. Most were long and originally reported posts with videos too.
Posted by Kara Swisher at April 11th, 2008 at 4:48 pmHi Kara, maybe I’m just getting tired of the inevitability of the Microsoft acquisition. I understand your goal to cover it to the end, and I do appreciate the other content on the blog. I will, however, be very pleased when the whole issue is resolved and more of your reporting gets spent on other topics.
Thanks for your comments and email; your devotion to your readers is why I keep reading.
Posted by Oliver Young at April 11th, 2008 at 7:49 pmI wonldn’t mind knowing what’s going on over at Sun Microsystems.
Posted by rod sandcones at April 12th, 2008 at 8:33 amOh say MicroHoo as much as you will … it brings a smile every time. And cackling memories of other celebrity pairings like Bennifer and Tomkat. I want all the Gigli hysteria and sofa jumping this soap can bring, I love it all. I have to leave this quote, your article inspired me:
“When the puffer fish is calm, these spines remain unseen. But at the instant a predator approaches, the spines immediately become visible as the puffer fish causes its body to swell. … This inflation causes the fish to take on a balloon like appearance with all its tiny spines fully extended. Although most puffer fish are small at around three to twenty inches; some species reach an incredible size of up to three feet, which makes their swollen condition quite a sight to see.”
Posted by Bernardine Wood-Smothers at April 12th, 2008 at 4:58 pm