Hey, politicians aren’t the only ones who get to do fancy polls!

Walt and I had a bunch of them about a variety of tech topics that we pulled out to ambush, ooops, pose to speakers at our seventh D: All Things Digital conference last week.

For the D7, we commissioned a study of digital trends from Penn, Schoen & Berland Associates (PSB), a global market research and consulting company and a conference production partner.

PSB conducted 1,005 interviews within the general U.S. population–you know, real people who are not geeked out.

One showed–despite Silicon Valley hype–how Twitter was still in its infancy, in awareness, engagement and size, which we got Co-founders Biz Stone and Evan Williams to react to onstage. (They could care less.)

Another showed that the biggest problem that users of the Apple (AAPL) iPhone cited was the poor AT&T (T) network. (Sorry, Randall Stephenson!)

Another looked at the declines in usage of the MySpace social networking site, which we know its new CEO Owen Van Natta enjoyed reacting to in front of the crowd. (Okay, he did not enjoy it.)

Also, no one is paying for subscriptions to blogs, which the Huffington Post impresario Arianna Huffington said was okay, since consumers will only fork over money for “very weird porn.” (Yes, she said that!)

In any case, here is a selection of slides that were shown and discussed during various speaker sessions.

Click on any slide below to enlarge, then hit “next” or “previous” on either side of the slides to page through.

Incredibly, this is the seventh year of the D: All Things Digital conference.

We feel very lucky to get here, especially in the midst of what our own site’s Digital Daily scribe, John Paczkowski, has so perfectly dubbed the “econalypse.”

Ironically, Walt Mossberg and I planned to launch the very first conference in the middle of the last major downturn for tech, in 2001. But, in the carnage of the Web 1.0 meltdown, we actually held off for two years, with our first D gathering taking place in 2003.

It’s been a real winning streak since then for D, due in large part to our great speakers–such as Microsoft (MSFT) icon Bill Gates and Apple (AAPL) legend Steve Jobs.

Both have been onstage many times over the years, including a historic interview the pair of tech titans did together in 2007 at D5.

Other amazing speakers have included: Howard Stringer of Sony (SNE), Barry Diller of InterActiveCorp (IACI), legendary director George Lucas, Time Warner (TWX) CEO Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos of Amazon (AMZN), former eBay (EBAY) CEO Meg Whitman, News Corp. (NWS) head Rupert Murdoch, Microsoft head Steve Ballmer, Walt Disney (DIS) honcho Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick of Activision Blizzard (ATVI), CBS (CBS) CEO Les Moonves, Democratic and Republican pols like former Vice President Al Gore and Sen. John McCain, all the leadership of Google (GOOG) and many, many more.

We have had a lot of great moments onstage with all these tech and media players over the years, to be sure, with interviews ranging from the funny to the sublime to the truly disastrous.

But, like the digital industry and the innovation our conference focuses on, we also like to lean forward to try to figure out what the Next Big Thing is around the corner, whether it comes from Silicon Valley or not.

That’s why we’re kicking off our conference on May 26 with two of the founders of Twitter–Biz Stone and Evan Williams–who are riding high on tech’s latest hot thing, which might turn out to be either a rocket ship or a shooting star.

They’ll be followed up over the next two days by a plethora of interesting players, from the leaders of several major mobile companies to content execs hit hard by fast-moving digital forces to a new Internet leader like Yahoo (YHOO) CEO Carol Bartz, who is trying to turn around one of the Web’s great icons from its more recent lackluster path.

And, as we always do, we will be featuring a spate of demos too, trying to see if we can unearth that next next thing.

In the past, the D stage has seen the debut of start-up products like Sling Media’s Slingbox, Aliph’s Jawbone and Pure Digital’s Flip, all of which have gone onto glory. And also some, like Palm’s Foleo, which did not.

While not everyone can attend D, our crack staff is committed to bringing all the action from this year’s conference to readers of the All Things Digital site via up-to-the-minute blogs, photos, videos, tweets, digs and more. We’ll also, as soon as we can, post the videos of each of the onstage sessions, in their entirety.

Until it all kicks off, here is the list of speakers, below, in alphabetical order, who will be appearing at 2009’s D7 conference:

Irving Azoff | CEO of Ticketmaster Entertainment (TKTM)

Mitchell Baker | Chairman of Mozilla

Steve Ballmer | CEO of Microsoft

Carol Bartz | CEO of Yahoo

Mark Cuban | Chairman of HDNet and Owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Landmark Theaters and Magnolia Pictures

Eve Ensler | Playwright and Founder of V-Day

Arianna Huffington | Editor-in-Chief of the Huffington Post

Olli-Pekka Kallasvuo | CEO of Nokia (NOK)

Mike Lazaridis | Co-CEO of Research In Motion (RIMM)

John Lilly | CEO of Mozilla

John Malone | Chairman of Liberty Media Corporation (LCAPA)

Roger McNamee | Partner, Elevation Partners

Jon Miller | Chief Digital Officer of News Corp.

Jon Rubinstein | Executive Chairman, Palm (PALM)

Randall Stephenson | CEO of AT&T (T)

Biz Stone | Co-founder of Twitter

Owen Van Natta | CEO of MySpace

Katharine Weymouth | Publisher of the Washington Post (WPO)

Evan Williams | Co-founder and CEO of Twitter

Jeff Zucker | CEO of NBC Universal (GE)

How much does BoomTown love the Friday weekly memos that Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz sends out to the troops?

Very, very much since they are so full of significant news–a slowdown of Yahoo’s homepage redesign and a major limiting of the global rollout of its new advertising platform, APT, to name a few.

But they also have a weird but compelling kind of energy that nearly jumps off the page, giving clear insight into how Bartz thinks and operates.

Like the Energizer Bunny, I would say.

Here are two memos Bartz sent out to Yahoo (YHOO) staff, one from today and one from last week on Feb. 13, both of which discuss just how busy she is keeping herself.

This past week, for example, Bartz spent the weekend with advertisers and partners at the AT&T golf tournament in Pebble Beach, after which she threw some serious love in the direction of U.S. sales head Joanne Bradford and gave the advertising minions under her an A+.

Bartz also cheerily admits with a “whatever” that a “Brand Pride Memo,” which a Yahoo marketing exec asked her to rename in case it leaked–oops!–from last week (see below), was still a list of Yahoo embarrassments.

And she is headed to Europe in April, followed by Asia TBD, although this weekend, a husband-free Bartz is catching up on chick flicks–might I suggest, “He’s Just Not That Into You”–and resting up for the “big week” ahead.

That’s Bartz’s coy term for her massive reorganization of management, which is slated, many sources tell me, to be announced Wednesday. (See my post on that here.)

Last week, was much more newsworthy, as Bartz did a lot of business unit and product reviews–reportedly scaring the bejeesus out of staff who had to present–because, she said, they had not been done in a dog’s age at Yahoo.

Stressing a “need for speed” in the decision-making process at Yahoo and a “WOW” experience for users, Bartz seems to be whirling through Yahoo like Mr. Clean’s white tornado.

As BoomTown reported this week (correctly, Tapan!), for example, Metro–the Yahoo homepage redo–was delayed by her “until we feel it will be a great product for our users.”

Bartz then said she had decreed that ads were to be taken out of mail products in emerging markets, which will mean a drop in revenue (probably minuscule), but make for a better customer experience.

Most significantly, she also limited the global rollout of APT, Yahoo’s new advertising system, which was much touted by previous Yahoo management, to just the U.S. and one other country in order to “perfect” it.

This is a polite way of saying it is buggier than an Amazon jungle.

And, my favorite and hers: Bartz wrote that “we are assembling a list of products that we are embarrassed about for various reasons so we can make the important decision as to whether we fix them or discontinue them.”

Speaking of curdling, and to keep up the kooky quotient, Bartz also thanked Texas Yahoos for something called “Purple Cowboy wine,” as well as employees in Oshkosh, Wis., for cheese curds.

Then, it was off to make Valentines with her ubiquitous assistant, Judy Flores, after which she was set to do some major kissing up to ad customers at that golf tournament (not her strong suit, apparently, as it had been former Yahoo CEO and co-founder Jerry Yang’s).

But, experience the full-Carol yourself in the two entire memos below:

February 20:

My week started last Friday down at the AT&T golf tournament where we hosted many of our important U.S. customers and partners. I thought I’d use this week’s note to give you some impressions:

First, I really want to congratulate Joanne Bradford’s team for hosting and running a first-class event. I know many of you in the company have absolutely no idea what happens in our regions or what salespeople do for a living (in fact, my past history has shown me that the way most engineers perceive salespeople is as lightweight, backslapping meeters and greeters). In fact, I’m delighted to report that Yahoo! has an A+ sales team. I watched them in action with customers such as Pepsi–it was clear they had the respect and trust of the customer and represented all of us Yahoos very well. It was very interesting to learn how creative our salespeople are in helping our clients devise interesting and profitable campaigns. I received a lot of compliments about how well-supported these customers and partners felt. Likewise, it was very clear to me that they support Yahoo! in return and very much want us to succeed.

Hey, that doesn’t mean they think we’re perfect! They had several ideas about our products and how we could do better, especially in this tough economic environment. This plays right into our focus on excellence and great products.

Last week I told you we were going to have our first pass at deciding which products embarrass us as a company. Kudos to Allen Olivo and his team for worrying that one of you might leak my email, so instead he called it the “Brand Pride List.” Whatever, the point is still important and we had a great discussion on which products to stop and which to make a lot better. More to follow…

I realize this is a very U.S.-centric message but that’s because I spent three days with U.S. customers. Just wait until I blow through Europe in April–I’ll be sharing all sorts of European goodies with you! And yes, I am going to Asia as well–we just haven’t settled on the date yet.

My husband is out of town this weekend, so I’m looking forward to watching all the “chick flicks” that he refuses to watch with me. I hope you all have a fun weekend. Get well-rested, because next week’s a biggie.

Carol

February 13:

A great illustration of my need for speed.

Had a big staff meeting this week. We spent all day Monday and Tuesday reviewing our strategies and major products on both the audience and advertising sides. It was a great introduction for me and even an eye-opener for the entire team when they realized that many of these strategies and products hadn’t been delved into in a long time (a big thanks to all the presenters who worked so hard):

· We talked a lot about the importance of having a WOW experience for all of our users around the world. As an example, we are delaying the launch of Metro until we feel it will be a great product for our users.

· Similarly, we discovered that we are losing mail share to the competition in many slower-bandwidth, emerging markets so we have made a decision to remove mail ads in those countries to improve the user experience. This will mean a drop in revenue for us but it’s the right thing to do strategically.

· We have also decided to “perfect” APT! in the US and only one international market before we roll it out globally.

· And finally, my favorite–we are assembling a list of products that we are embarrassed about for various reasons so we can make the important decision as to whether we fix them or discontinue them.

What does this have to do with the need for speed? Many of the things I just talked about could have and should have been decided earlier but we haven’t been an organization that has embraced the need for speedy decisions, even when they are the tough ones. We can all be part of changing this and getting back to an organization that is fast on its feet.

On a personal note, thanks to Team Texas Sales for the Purple Cowboy wine and the Care Center Service Desk in Oshkosh for the Wisconsin bag of goodies–my favorite were the cheese curds!

Judy and I went to URLs today and made Valentine’s for our sweeties–everybody remember yours so we can all have a big Yahoo! Valentine’s Day. I’m off to Pebble Beach tomorrow to meet, entertain and play golf with some of our biggest customers. Actually, it’s a great strategy because normally you have to “let” the customer win–fortunately, this is not a problem for me!

Carol

Hello, my name is BoomTown and I am a reformed CrackBerryaholic.

How bad was it? Here’s the worst story: I was holding my BlackBerry in my hand, inadvertently for once, when I gave birth to my son in 2002.

Long story short: I was emailing away throughout labor, suddenly had to have emergency surgery, was quickly drugged into paralysis and forgot it was gripped in my hand–all until the anesthesiologist looked at me like I was a freak.

I should have been embarrassed by that. I was not. Hence, that makes me a full-fledged Blackberry addict.

Actually, I was one.

Because over the weekend, while casting about for a good New Year’s resolution (Work less? Nope! Exercise more? Double nope!!), I impulsively decided to dump what is pathetically one of my more satisfying and reliable relationships ever for a questionable new one.

That’s right, I have finally abandoned the BlackBerry for the iPhone.

I have no idea what possessed me, but suddenly I had to change dramatically and change now. (I could blame the influence of fellow CrackBerry user President-Elect Barack Obama for that mood.)

So, I finally made the dreaded switcheroo from the devices made by the fine folks at Research In Motion (RIMM), which I have used since the first stubby little block of greyish plastic until the last stubby bigger block of reddish plastic.

To be honest, I have been flirting with the idea of leaving my longtime love for a while now.

Almost sneakily, I bought an iPhone from the get-go when it came out from Apple (AAPL) in June of 2007, because it was just too cool a device to pass up.

I was instantly delighted by the touchscreen swooshing and squinching, its breakthrough quality as a handheld media player, the Internet access that finally worked and the generally clever way of organizing contact and other information. I also liked the voicemail recording a lot.

Not so much the AT&T (T) cellular network, of course, but that was livable. What was not, as it was for a lot of people, was the poor email experience, specifically the virtual keyboard.

To say my entire life revolves around email and texting is to go overboard. But not by much. It is, in fact, the bane of my partner, who has learned to live with it grudgingly.

My obsession has even turned into mimicry by my other son, a three-year-old, who grabbed a small and rectangular block of wood recently and started tapping on it with his fingers, proudly declaring, “I’m Mama working!”

Oh dear. Like I said, I am pathetic in this regard (on the plus side, I don’t drink, do drugs or watch “Dancing with the Stars”).

But my issues with the dullish BlackBerry slowly mounted, from its too-small screen, to the substandard Internet experience to the limited ways to store emails to the overall clunkiness of it.

And when the apps came out for the iPhone, it got worse, since the ones on BlackBerry just are not as robust at all.

And with those apps, I now did not even have to really launch a browser and click away in frustration. Instead, I could largely rely on an increasingly interesting array of software that made my digital life a lot easier.

I am not including the iFart app in this group, of course, the kind of toddler programming that I had thought I had left behind when I started ignoring Facebook apps. Verdict: Eww.

In any case, my BlackBerry still had those lovely clickety-clack keys that have always been a joy to press and with which I could write a book in a very short time, I had become so adept at using them.

So, I had great hopes for the BlackBerry Storm, with a clicking-like virtual keyboard, as the solution to all my problems. Or so I thought.

When I first saw it, I knew this was not what I had been waiting for, which was underscored by Walt Mossberg’s review.

The weird push on the glass screen made me feel like it was going to break with every click. What I really wanted was the tactile feel of the keys and not the click feel.

The G1 smartphone from Google (GOOG), of course, offered a real keyboard and the big touchscreen. But it just looks and feels too much like–let’s be honest–a pair of clogs I once wore in seventh grade and have regretted ever since.

And, while there is a Palm device reportedly coming out this week with a touchscreen and a slip-down keyboard, I guess I have finally become tired of waiting for something that is perhaps not possible: A virtual keyboard that feels real.

Thus, I gave into the iPhone and learned to live with my all-thumbs typing.

And, as many have said, I am actually getting better at that. Not speedy, as I was with the BlackBerry, which–ironically–has caused me not to use the iPhone as obsessively and to put it down a lot more.

Except that, as soon as I do put it down, it is immediately picked up by my now six-year-old, the very person who had endured my incessant pregnant clicking.

As it turns out, he is obsessed with the many game apps I have downloaded for him onto the iPhone–currently “Crazy Penguin Catapult.” (Verdict: Unusually fun.)

So much so that he sneaked into my bedroom yesterday morning and spirited my iPhone away for a session while I slept late.

What can I say? Like mother, like son.

In this regard, let’s hope not.

[Photo credit: Cool, but creepy BlackBerry Baby image is from All Media.]

But–as many readers have requested–they will all be available in their entirety in this column.

Here’s an interview Walt Mossberg and I did with Federal Communications Commission Chairman Kevin Martin and Verizon Wireless (VZ) CEO Lowell McAdam jointly. We paired the two together to talk about big issues facing the wireless industry, including low broadband speeds and high prices.

The video of the interview is in three parts, all of which I have posted this week.

In this third part, Martin talks about net neutrality and the big political issues for technology, while McAdam talks about competition with AT&T and other rivals, and then both answer questions from the audience about early termination fees, getting dropped call data, eliminating subsidies and platform convergence.

Or, as the old retail cliche goes: Stack them high and watch them fly.

The bid to bring the groundbreaking smartphone to the masses is a good thing, of course, in order to move its influence well beyond the early-adopter crowd and generally elite market that it has been most popular in.

I was one of those customers, of course, buying an iPhone almost as soon as it was available.

But, from reports, even though the 2.0 version is obviously better (although I have yet to see one), I will not be doing that again when the new iPhone 3G (pictured here) comes out in a few weeks.

Why not?

No, it is not because AT&T’s (T) network is so weak–as it has been for me–because I am already locked into a two-year contract anyway from my first iPhone.

No, it is not because I am cheap either–I will buy any gadget that shows up on my doorstep.

No, it is not because I don’t admire the iPhone for many of its qualities, such as its spectacular touchscreen, Web and multimedia experience (although a better camera would be nice).

It’s actually because of the same rap everyone has made on the first iPhone–the virtual keyboard that I still find irksome to use, which makes my email and texting experience completely frustrating.

Add to that the continued lack of a cut-and-paste function–it makes the decision not to upgrade an easy one.

On the other hand, I will be first in line to decide on which of the next versions of the RIM (RIMM) BlackBerry I will happily overpay for.

That would either be the BlackBerry Bold (pictured here), a tasty-looking upgrade to the traditional one with better everything (screen, multimedia, connection).

This is an easy yes for me, because I have been a fan of the BlackBerry from its block-of-soap format to now, largely due to its huge usefulness as a communications device.

True story of my obsession: I was clicking away and sending updates, right up until the drugs kicked in as I was wheeled into the delivery room when I was having my son.

I know, I know! I am a freak.

But the thing is exceedingly useful to me and has been, as I often joke, one of the most reliable relationships of my life.

That’s why I am a bit wary of the second possible BlackBerry choice–its iPhone-copycat called the Thunder.

Despite my so-so-experience with the iPhone, I do love its touchscreen technology, a feature I miss with my standard-issue BlackBerry.

So, that will obviously be the most attractive part of the Thunder to me.

My great hope, of course, will be that it will have more than a virtual keyboard, but one with real keys to click.

Because the lack of one is a nonstarter for me, which is exactly why my iPhone 1.0 has become a glorified and much more expensive iPod Touch for me.

(By the way, here’s a post on Walt Mossberg’s first impressions of the iPhone 3G and here’s a Voices piece by Dan Gillmor, who is also dubious about getting one.)

Yesterday, BoomTown wrote a piece about Yahoo’s worries about the scrutiny that the monopolistic combination of Yahoo Mail and Microsoft’s Hotmail would get if it merged with the software giant.

The issue–which has not gotten a lot of attention–is actually a major sticking point in the price negotiations going on this weekend between the companies, as Yahoo (YHOO) seeks solid downside protection, if the deal becomes mired in approval issues by governmental authorities due to email and instant messaging dominance on the Web.

But Microsoft (MSFT) does not want to pay more, of course. And so the legions of minions under increasingly-under-pressure–translation: more yelling than ever this week–CEO Steve Ballmer are hard at work this weekend on all-nighters to solve the problem, said several sources.

One solution is to spin off all the communications assets, said sources, into a separate company. In that case, the two brands would remain, so as not to inconvenience consumers, although all the back-end technologies to run the services would be merged.

The more drastic step is for Microsoft sell Hotmail to a third party, especially given that Yahoo Mail is considered a stronger brand. Hotmail has already been in the midst of a transition, including a recent name change to Windows Live Hotmail.

Microsoft’s mail offerings now include Hotmail and also Windows Live Mail. The latter offering would presumably remain at the merged company with its @live.com address.

But Hotmail is the candidate to be sold off (with the requisite marketing to try to port its users over to @live.com first).

And potential buyers? Well, not Google (GOOG), but there are many, including AOL (TWX), Comcast (CMCSA) and AT&T (T), as well as IAC/InterActiveCorp (IACI). As to price, that’s unclear, but it could be in the billions of dollars.

That’s another plus for Microsoft, which will obviously have to fork over more money if it wants to acquire Yahoo.

And, it is also priceless if Microsoft can minimize government interference in the deal, most especially any antitrust investigations related to its powerful email assets.

That must be a worry, since Microsoft and Yahoo completely dominate all email on the Internet. According to the most recent comScore (SCOR) figures, for example, Yahoo has 256 million users, while Microsoft has 255 million.

Google’s Gmail is a distant third with about 92 million users and AOL has about half that at 49 million.

The same domination is true in the instant messaging market, with Microsoft and Yahoo holding an 80% to 90% market share together.

Please see this disclosure related to me and Google.

Surface actually got a demo at our D5 conference last May, but BoomTown has been partial to this very funny video spoof on the “big-assed table”:

Was it just me or did you also get a bit of déjà vu upon reading a story today by the New York Times’s Laura M. Holson about yet another mash-up of a Hollywood talent agencies with Silicon Valley VCs.

That’s apparently what is happening with a new investment venture that includes the William Morris Agency, Accel Partners, Venrock and–filling out the unlikely foursome–AT&T (T), as a limited partner.

The focus of the investment fund will be to hand out cash–and, presumably, expertise–to digital media start-ups in Southern California.

While the Times drilled in on the presence of a big cellphone carrier–just the kind of company that my partner Walt Mossberg has dubbed one of the “Soviet ministries” for stifling innovation with overly controlling behavior in the mobile space–I am more focused on the rocky road of many such deals that have been struck in the past.

Now, I think all the players involved are very smart, including Accel’s Jim Breyer, Venrock’s David Siminoff and also William Morris CEO Jim Wiatt (as well as Morris’s Paul Bricault).

That said, a lot of sharpies have gotten sucked up in the past into the this-has-to-be-a-marriage-made-in-heaven dreams of the perfect Hollywood-Silicon Valley pairing.

Today, there are a number of interesting efforts, such as Comedy Central’s deal with the creators of “South Park” to create a joint-venture digital studio, as well as the better-known pairing of Sequoia Capital with the Will Ferrell-led Funny or Die comedy site (see my video interview with Sequoia’s Mark Kvamme about the site below).

And, of course, although nothing was actually settled, the recently ended writers’ strike was all about content revenues that might–or, perhaps more accurately, might not–be coming from digital sources in the future.

But if the past is prologue, this new group of investors might have to learn to be a bit patient.

Breyer acknowledges as much in the Times’s article. “There is always a fear, I know, that the bubble is about to burst when a parade of actors and actresses comes through my door,” he said, before noting, “this time the discussions are much more rational.”

I guess that is why the funding is in the tens of millions of dollars, the article noted, rather than the larger sums that have been spent in previous attempts to forge these kind of tech and entertainment alliances.

In fact, Holson herself penned a very good piece in 2002 about the failure of one much-touted experiment in such an integration–LivePlanet–between celebs Ben Affleck and Matt Damon and Redpoint Ventures.

That company was supposed to be a multimedia wunderkind, straddling the tech and media worlds with all sorts of gizmo-content wonders. One of its debut press releases in 2000 was, in fact, titled: “LivePlanet Unveils Integrated Media Concept–Entertainment Experiences that Span Traditional Media, New Media and the Physical World.”

Now, it is a shadow of that. According to a January article in Variety about the shuttering of its film unit, “LivePlanet evolved into a satellite company that [partner Sean] Bailey, Affleck and Damon would return to when not engaged in their own projects.”

In the 2002 piece, after a series of problems, including the bust of the dot-com bubble, Affleck himself got it dead right.

”If we stick around long enough and convince people we can do these things, we will matter in the new economy. I’d like to slip to the last page to see how it ends. But who knows.”

And, even six years later, who knows?

Here is the Kvamme video, in which he discusses Funny or Die:

Look, I love a good takeover rumor as much as the next gossipy reporter.

But all the incessant rumblings of Microsoft sniffing around to buy Yahoo or Yahoo merging with eBay are getting a tad ridiculous.

So, Deal or No Deal? Um, no deal, Howie! Really, no deal at all.

What it feels like to me is a bunch of bored and jobless investment bankers getting together for lunch at the Grill Room at the Four Seasons in Manhattan, cooking up the idea of such mergers and acquisitions and then speed-dialing gullible reporters.

While Yahoo stock was up yesterday on talk of Microsoft’s interest in it via a story in the New York Post–interest that has been written about at least 43 times over the past year–I am here to say that there is nothing new here.

Here’s what is going on and has long been going on: Microsoft continues to cast about for a viable Internet strategy, as it always does, and Yahoo is probably the numero-uno solution on its business development fix-it list.

Why? Well, the software behemoth just can’t catch Google in the lucrative search-ad market no matter how hard it tries and how much money it spends.

If it presumably put together it and No. 2 Yahoo, then presto chango, a real horse race.

But that’s kind of like stitching together Bill Richardson and Dennis Kucinich and getting a potential front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination.

And, in fact, such a union has been raised in the past, by former Yahoo CEO Terry Semel in a trip he made to see Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer several years ago.

It never happened then and will not now.

While Microsoft might indeed have renewed interest in such a pairing, I am here to tell you Yahoo execs do not seem to share that enthusiasm, except perhaps as a last resort or if the company’s stock price dips precipitously low.

But anyone who attended Jerry Yang’s speech at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas could see that the Yahoo co-founder and CEO has no intention of throwing in the towel quite yet.

While he might be thinking of outsourcing its search-ad business–and he should–or focusing more heavily on opening up Yahoo’s platform, a sale is like the red button of bye-bye to him.

Plus, if Yahoo were in play, there would be a feeding frenzy for the still-strong Web property–including obvious interest from Comcast, AT&T and even Google (which would never ever happen because of antitrust issues).

More intriguing is the idea of Yahoo and eBay linking up, which makes a lot more sense, but it also is not in the works.

Interestingly, Yahoo and the dominant auction site almost did merge back in the first dot-com bubble, a deal that was scuttled at the last minute over whether eBay CEO Meg Whitman would be in charge or not.

Now, such a deal seems more of a desperation play rather than a smart move–although the pair together would be serving an awful lot of customers worldwide and have some of the strongest Web brands around.

More likely is even closer ties between Yahoo and eBay, which is–sources told me–in the midst of a top-executive reorganization right now, as it looks toward the day Whitman is not in charge.

So, sorry to burst a bubble–actually, I am not sorry at all–but it is more no deal than deal here.

In fact, here is a piece I did back in late November, when Silicon Alley Insider’s Henry Blodget raised the same Yahoo-Microsoft rumors.

Please see this disclosure related to me and Google.

(Click on the image to make it larger.)

They’re onstage at an event called the Israel Business Conference, put on by an Israeli business publication called Globes.

Walt was interviewed by Vardi. At one point, he noted: “In 10 years, I believe that most readers will be online. I assume that’s already true for my readers. I hope that our paper will be in good shape.”

We do too, but–just in case–don’t miss this amazing online Mossblog that Walt did from Israel called “Peace in the Mideast, With Great Cellphone Coverage.”

My favorite line about Walt’s travels between Israel and Jordan:

In both countries, even in the middle of barely populated stretches of desert, my iPhone had perfect voice coverage from multiple carriers. How come AT&T can’t guarantee the same level of service on the same phone even in the middle of some major American cities?”