This morning, in a blog post titled “The Adventure Continues,” Twitter co-founder Biz Stone gave more of an explanation for the outage that the microblogging service endured due to a denial-of-service attack yesterday.

Fortunately, BoomTown can read between the lines in order to decipher the secret message herein!

Biz wrote: The Adventure Continues.

Translation: By “adventure,” I mean yet-another-friggin’-Twitter-birdie-crisis.

Considering all the fail whales, the stolen documents and now this, I would have to say we have now taken Time Warner (TWX) online unit AOL’s title as Internet company most likely to experience technical difficulties. Do not adjust your screens! Please stand by!

Biz wrote: In the past 24 hours, we’ve been contending with a variety of attacks that continue to change in nature and intensity. We’re working to restore access to apps built on the Twitter platform that were affected by defensive measures–there was some overcompensation on our part as we tune our system to deal with this scale of attack.

Translation: We’d like to blame this one on TechCrunch somehow, and are hard at work on another impolitic internal memo about how to do so that also manages to insult potential acquirers, such as Google (GOOG), Microsoft (MSFT), and our investors.

The reason we doused this crisis with extra amounts of weed killer is because no one will be able to accuse us of sitting by in our usual chill manner, which is exemplified by the official Twitter company motto: “Scoble dude, relax, it’s only 140 characters.”

Biz wrote: The ongoing, massively coordinated attacks on Twitter this week appear to have been geopolitical in motivation. However, we don’t feel it’s appropriate to engage in speculative discussion about these motivations. The open exchange of information can have a positive impact globally and our job is to keep Twitter services running reliably to the best of our ability.

Translation: And if blaming TechCrunch does not work, there is always Iran to point the finger at!

However, we don’t feel it’s appropriate to engage in speculative discussion of these motivations–mostly because it will just piss off the hackers more and they will crush our little technical operation like it is papier maché.

Which, let’s be honest, it is. Anybody got any spare Elmer’s Glue?

Biz wrote: As a reminder, no data or personal information of any kind has been compromised. Denial of Service attacks are a known quantity on the web and they are not going away any time soon. Nevertheless, we can and will improve system response to these assaults such that they don’t interfere with our normal, everyday Twittering.

Translation: No data or personal information of any kind have been compromised, except–of course–for Ashton Kuchter’s.

But, to be fair, that dude overshares like Perez and Paris Hilton combined and on steroids.

Not that we mind him tweeting pictures of his wife’s posterior, but he makes John Mayer seem shy.

Denial-of-service attacks are a known quantity on the Web, much the way our fail whale is.

Nevertheless, we can and will fail again, so there will be yet another spate of articles and blog posts about the indignity of life without Twittering to show just how indispensable we are.

Famous-for-being-famous celebrity Paris Hilton continues her comic run for “fake” President of the United States, with a new online video for the Funny or Die comedy site.

She is pictured here in a photo from a current spread in Harper’s Bazaar, part of her ongoing “Paris for President” campaign.

In that article, Hilton said of her foreign policy platform: “I will carry out a foreign policy platform that will transform America’s role in the world to that of a proactive, not reactive, superpower that will use diplomacy and incentives to head off trouble in unstable regions before they unravel out of control. I will also be wearing platform shoes when I meet with foreign dignitaries to accentuate my well-toned calves.”

Somehow, given the current mess we are in, this blather actually makes some sense.

Hilton did her first online spoof video in August after Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain used her image in an ad attacking Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama.

In it, she referred to McCain as the “white-haired dude” and laid out–literally, Hilton is seen in the video lounging by the pool in a bikini–her policies.

In the latest, Hilton consults the most famous of fake Presidents, actor Martin Sheen, who played President Jed Bartlett for many seasons on the NBC hit “The West Wing.”

In the video, the pair kibitz over how to be the best fake President, which has been getting too close to the real thing these days.

The video includes a cameo by real Martin Sheen son, Charlie Sheen.

Here is the video (and, below it, is her first one for Funny or Die):

It was tasteless and also offensive to Hilton and Spears, which seems an almost impossible task–way to go!

Now, wasting no time in taking advantage of the brouhaha and drawing attention just where it should be–to herself, of course–Hilton did this clever video spoof for the Funny or Die comedy Web site.

Wearing a killer swimsuit, she does manage to make a good suggestion about a sensible energy policy and an even better one to have Rihanna as VP.

Also, Hilton calls McCain “white-haired dude.” That’s hot. Well, warm.

In any case, here’s the Hilton video and the original humorless McCain ad just below it:

Of course, the inane answers of Miss Teen South Carolina made the top of the list.

And, however did we miss this gem at No. 4?–the “Paris in Jail” music video parody, sung to Hilton’s non-hit “Stars Are Blind” (which BoomTown actually paid for and downloaded):

Under the top television moments was, no surprise, the last scene of HBO’s “Sopranos,” with its “Don’t Stop…” stop.

And here’s BoomTown’s interview with Truveo’s Tim Tuttle in August: