In Yahoo’s fourth-quarter earnings conference call earlier this week, new Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz went out of her way to ho-hum all over the possibility of a search deal with Microsoft.

She even went as far as to not even mention its name when she referred to the laggard third player in market share.

And Bartz also tried to make it seem as if a recent meeting between Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer and Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock–as well as Time Warner (TWX) CEO Jeff Bewkes, who presides over the AOL online service–was fiction. (It was not.)

Of course, it was all cooked up and well-rehearsed by Bartz, who knows how to play the expectations game as well as anyone else, especially as she endeavors to come up to speed on the various prospects for Yahoo going forward.

One person who has been close to the situation said it best: “Anyone would have said the same regardless of their true position at this point.”

Indeed.

Of course, BoomTown’s favorite–and obviously well thought out–line was in answer to an analyst’s question on shareholder value. No surprise: Bartz insisted Yahoo as a whole was, in fact, an unappreciated pearl before swine.

Actually, she used another barnyard metaphor, in the grand tradition of former CEO Jerry Yang’s “sacred cow” debacle.

“This is not a company that needs to be pulled apart and left for the chickens,” said Bartz, using a phrase she said was from her Wisconsin upbringing.

My guess is that the savvy and slick Bartz left that farm behind a long, long time ago and was again using the folksy straight talk in some serious gamesmanship with Microsoft (MSFT) and anyone else.

And perhaps Yahoo (YHOO) is truly not chicken scratch, although a lot of horse sense will be needed in the next few months to make that so.

(No, I could not resist.)

And, employing a video I love, if Bartz ever does succumb to the charms of Microsoft, here’s what the pair might hope that flock of attack poultry would peck at next:

One of the first things Carol Bartz said when she made her public debut as new Yahoo CEO was that everyone should give the company “some friggin’ breathing room.”

Some heard “frickin’,” while others heard “frackin’.”

Whatever the exact invective Bartz used, the tough talk was presumably designed for maximum impact to impose a definitive I’m-in-charge-here leadership style that had been sorely lacking at Yahoo for a long time.

Bartz has been employing the creative curse word a lot of late, trying to shape up Yahoo as Tom Hanks–playing the grumpily drunk but effective coach Jimmy Dugan–did to the Rockford Peaches in “A League of Their Own.”

But she is certainly going to need a lot more than that kind of mental mojo to get the company going.

And, more importantly, to convince Wall Street that she can cure what has been ailing Yahoo (YHOO) as it announces what will likely be a dismal fourth-quarter earnings report tomorrow.

“I’ve been passively abused for a year now by Yahoo management and I am in no mood to be aggressively abused by them, unless there is some concrete strategic plan soon,” said one major investor.

Well, the abuse might continue a little while longer, as Bartz gets the dubious honor of delivering what most expect to be even weaker results and perhaps worse guidance for the upcoming quarter.

That’s why, if BoomTown were to guess, to focus attention away from the bad news, Bartz seems like the type to unveil some sort of meatier plan this week, including cost cuts and some serious trimming of Yahoo’s businesses.

Bartz has, in fact, been meeting with most top execs over the last two weeks, with no entourage (except her assistant, Judy) and little formality, asking a lot of questions and apparently trying to gauge executive talent.

One exec told me that he expects this will result in a lot more management turmoil over the next few month, with multiple goodbyes–with some departing due to their loyalty to former CEO Jerry Yang and President Sue Decker, some due to not having the perseverance to live through a wrenching turnaround effort and some due to the fact that they should simply be let go.

Not surprisingly, some inside Yahoo relish this, while others do not.

“Carol has been cutting through the BS like a knife,” said one Yahoo insider, who admires her forthright manner.

Said another who does not, calling it too brash: “She is like a buzzsaw who just wants to cut without knowing a lot of what the impact will be.”

(Ironically, Buzzsaw is an “on-demand collaborative project management solution” offered by Autodesk, the software company that Bartz ruled for 14 years until 2006.)

She certainly has to get up to speed. While her hands are clean, with the weak economy and continuing internal turmoil, Yahoo’s financial quarterly report tomorrow is going to be a mess.

According to estimates from MarketWatch, Yahoo will report about $1.4 billion in revenue, up two percent, earning 13 cents a share for the quarter. That’s down from last year’s 15 cents and down further from the year before’s 19 cents.

That’s not exactly the direction one would hope for.

Display advertising, which is Yahoo’s dominant business, is expected to show the worst performance, with its search business stronger.

Still, search is not exactly considered to be Yahoo’s buoy in tough times or for the future, which is why analysts will likely focus on Bartz’s thoughts on a search deal with Microsoft (MSFT).

The last time she was asked at a Yahoo all-hands meeting, Bartz noted that her “gut” told her that selling might not be such a good idea. Of course, this was said exactly as Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock was meeting with Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to discuss such a deal.

Other questions high on the list should be about cost-cutting, defining what Yahoo’s core business is and, of course, what she will do about the long discussions her predecessors had been having with Time Warner (TWX) over merging with its AOL online unit.

One thing that everyone I have talked inside Yahoo has said is that Bartz has been asking a lot of questions about all this and more since she arrived.

This is a good thing.

But while she asked–let’s be honest, demanded–some breathing room, after tomorrow is out of the way, the only thing investors and employees will want is some answers, and quickly.

Until then, here’s that great video scene from “A League of Their Own” about no crying in baseball:

With Yahoo earnings expected to be dismal when the company reports fourth-quarter earnings this Tuesday afternoon, new Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz is going to have to hang tough.

And she certainly seems capable of that. At her first all-hands meeting, Bartz (pictured here) said, according to one report others have since confirmed to BoomTown, that she would “drop-kick to f***ing Mars” employees who leak to the press.

That threat sent little shivers up BoomTown’s spine too, which is why it must have taken so long for her first-week missive to Yahoo (YHOO) staff worldwide to get to my inbox.

Well played, Ms. Bartz, well played. (Plus, I really am bad at football metaphors.)

But turnabout is also fair play. And that’s why I am redoubling my efforts to bring you up-to-date news from Yahoo under Bartz’s leadership, as ATD has done so obsessively during the reigns of ex-Yahoo CEOs Terry Semel and Jerry Yang (and, if you want to really date me, Tim Koogle).

In that spirit, this column broke the news last week that Zimbra founder Satish Dharmaraj and marketing exec Eric Hadley were leaving.

And the week before that Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock was swanning around Manhattan with Microsoft (MSFT) CEO Steve Ballmer and Time Warner (TWX) CEO Jeff Bewkes.

More to come this week, for sure, as all eyes turns to Yahoo’s financial performance (which is no fault of Bartz’s, who’s just arrived but still has to deliver the news).

But until then, here’s that energetic memo Bartz sent out to Yahoo troops after her first week there.

From: Carol Bartz
Sent: Friday, January 16, 2009 3:12 PM
To: all-worldwide@yahoo-inc.com
Subject: My First Friday

Carol

Exactly what Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was talking to Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock and Time Warner CEO Jeff Bewkes about last week in their mysterious New York tete-a-tete will likely be one of the many irksome questions execs at the software giant will be getting when it reports second-quarter earnings tomorrow afternoon.

Sources close to the situation said more intense chit-chatting has been going on among the trio about possible alliances and deals, but the outlook for something actually getting done is still unclear.

Oh, yes, there is also the expectation that Microsoft (MSFT) will show a missed target on its profits, as well as announce big job cuts to its 95,000-employee worldwide workforce.

Then, of course, all eyes will be on its forecast of what is to come as the econalypse continues.

There are less impressive outlooks for Microsoft’s Windows business, as well as revenue weakness, which goes right to the bottom line.

That means inevitable cutbacks in staff, as well as other cost-slashing all over the giant company in order for Microsoft to regain some momentum and revive its weak stock performance, which has been hit harder.

But what investors are actually looking for from the company–much as the nation is from newly installed President Barack Obama–is a big dose of hope and change.

In Microsoft’s case, that would still be: the articulation of a clear online strategy.

Microsoft mistakenly got everyone to focus intently on that for all of 2008 with its failed takeover attempt to buy Yahoo (YHOO), mostly for its search business, as it has turned out.

Ballmer has recently and frequently and publicly said he covets Yahoo’s search share in order to bolster his company’s distant third-place position.

Why has that been an error so far? Well, without a move at all after so much frantic and endless movement, Microsoft has only underscored its lack of strategy and its woeful position in relation to archrival Google (GOOG).

As my piano teacher used to say about me: A lot of activity, but very little productivity (and very bad music-making too).

Thus, whether Microsoft will actually produce anything more than dissonance with Yahoo or not–or Time Warner (TWX) online unit AOL either–should be the most pressing question from Wall Street.

Because, while the economic downturn will eventually pass, Microsoft will have to answer to what it has been doing all this time when it comes to Yahoo and the Internet at large.

It wasn’t just Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock and Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer meeting in New York last week.

According to several sources close to the situation, Time Warner CEO Jeff Bewkes rounded out the trio of chit-chatting execs, presumably gathered to discuss possible partnerships and other deals between and amongst the companies whose digital assets are among the largest on the Web.

Although the possibilities are numerous, exactly what Bostock, Ballmer and Bewkes–let’s call them the Busy B’s from here on out–were cooking up is unclear.

But for Yahoo (YHOO), Microsoft (MSFT) and Time Warner (TWX), which owns the AOL online service, it is a meal that is probably long past due.

That’s especially true given the struggles each has had with his online assets of late.

Some sort of alliance between the threesome could be a way each could solve those problems and more importantly, create a Web counterweight to the growing power of Google (GOOG).

Last week, on the heels of Carol Bartz’s appointment as new Yahoo CEO, BoomTown wrote a post noting that Microsoft was ready to deal in its long-sought-after effort to strike a search deal with Yahoo.

Last year, the software giant launched a takeover battle for Yahoo, which was resisted and ultimately abandoned. But Microsoft never lost interest in doing an outright deal to buy Yahoo’s search assets or create a significant partnership around search.

Yahoo has been long been lukewarm to such an idea, first rejecting Microsoft outright in favor of a deal with Google.

Since its Google deal collapsed over regulatory concerns, Yahoo has still dragged its feet about the notion, with its board divided over the right course of action.

And, while Bartz told Yahoo employees last week that her “gut” did not favor the deal, most saw that more as a negotiating ploy than a signal that Yahoo was not at least somewhat interested.

It has to be, given that many of its investors and also Wall Street have been eager for Yahoo to make such an alliance.

Therefore, the sighting of Ballmer and Bostock at the Time Warner Center in Manhattan together, first reported by Valleywag late last week, was a sign that relations between Yahoo and Microsoft were improving.

(The Ballmer/Bostock confab was also later confirmed by the New York Times.)

But sources at all the companies have said Bewkes was also meeting with the pair, which makes it clearer than ever that a much bigger and more complex game might be afoot.

It’s kind of inevitable too, given that this group has done more back and forth blabbing and bickering than Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson on “American Idol.”

That’s because Yahoo and AOL have also been involved in serious, but painfully prolonged, discussions to merge, talks that were tabled once Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang said in November that he was stepping down.

In addition, Microsoft has been interested in eventually renewing its bid for AOL’s search business, which is now run by Google. Microsoft lost out to Google the last time the contract was up.

It recently paid a small king’s ransom to become the key search partner of both Dell (DELL) and Verizon Wireless (VZ), distribution deals that have become one of Microsoft’s favored tactics to take some market share away from Google.

Microsoft even hired a well-known Yahoo search techie, Qi Lu, to head its digital efforts, mostly to turbocharge its search business.

But given that Google’s search share is over 70 percent now, which yields it a lion’s share of the search ad dollars, none of this has been enough for Microsoft to get true traction in the search game.

That’s why some sort of union with Yahoo is probably critical for Microsoft, since this would get it past the 20 percent share mark.

As for Bewkes, he has been mightily trying to unload AOL, which has had a long and painful history with Time Warner.

So it’s clear the trio had a lot to talk about.

And I hope they get creative this time, rather than just rehashing the same old ideas that have still not been consummated.

Here’s my suggestion, which is a bit nuts, to be sure, although variations of it have previously been considered by all the companies:

Instead of Yahoo doing the acquisition, which it can ill afford with its depressed stock price, Microsoft buys AOL for $4 billion to $5 billion.

It then quickly spins AOL’s content, advertising and communication assets into Yahoo, nabbing the search business, throws in some cash as an investment and perhaps even its MSN assets. Microsoft gets a large stake in the newco.

Time Warner gets the cash from the AOL sale and perhaps even a stake in the newco, along with perhaps striking some kind of interesting online deal for the rest of its copious media assets.

And Yahoo gets to own massive assets in content, communications and premium advertising on the Web. While it would lose search, Yahoo would also get a pile of money, along with enough key search data from Microsoft that it would drown in it.

And, most importantly, Yahoo could focus on what it does best rather than get squeezed in a search arms race between Google and Microsoft.

And if the meeting among Bostock, Ballmer and Bewkes was only another chapter of the endless and unsuccessful talks that have so far lead exactly nowhere?

Well then, the three will eventually look more like the Three Stooges than anything else.

But it took a lot of guts for Yahoo President Sue Decker (pictured here) to resign immediately yesterday and without the usual polite waiting period that happens in most major corporate management shifts.

I am guessing Decker clearly knew that investor ire over her leadership and that of her boss, Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang, had made the duo radioactive. Yang had already said goodbye in November and now it was her turn.

It was an important move for Yahoo (YHOO), since questions of Decker’s continued presence would have definitely dragged down any excitement to be had about the announcement of new Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz.

So, Decker–who has always been a clear-thinking analytical type more than a gut executive–made both the logical and emotional decision to leave the company she has worked at for nine years.

And, more importantly, to leave Bartz with the cleanest slate she possibly could.

Whatever you think of Decker’s leadership, it was a class move on her part and one that BoomTown admires, especially since it was probably very hard for such a rigorous person to walk away without leaving behind a success.

It would be nice, then, if the man who was also just as–if not much more–responsible for the disaster that has been Yahoo for too long would take a clue from Decker and Yang and head out too.

That would be Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock (pictured here), the leader who has largely escaped blame that has been massively heaped on both Yang and Decker.

But it was Bostock who was part of the supposed revival of Yahoo, who was a key player in the disastrous negotiations with Microsoft (MSFT) over its takeover attempt and who was has been pulling many of the key strings the entire time.

Thus, he needs to go too, because at this point, Yahoo has to declare that accountability matters and that it starts at the tippy-top.

Major investors certainly would not mind. “Everything he has promised has gone the other way,” said one about his encounters with Bostock. “I just don’t believe him anymore.”

Said a former Yahoo exec, echoing the sentiment of many I have talked to over the past weeks: “Jerry and Sue should be the ones to take responsibility for Yahoo’s decline, but Roy was right next to them all the way.”

So, while many could aim at Yang and Decker (or perhaps even former CEO Terry Semel) or the distraction of the Microsoft bid earlier in 2008 or now, the weakness in the economy for Yahoo’s woes, since he has been chairman, Bostock is just as responsible as anyone at at the top of Yahoo.

Yahoo shares have been cut in half since he took over as chairman a year ago, back to where they were when he joined the board in 2003.

You could also point to Yahoo’s morale crisis or the exodus of key talent or the declines in its key businesses or the company’s general lack of momentum as very solid reasons for kicking Bostock to the curb for taking so long to do anything about it.

BoomTown will not even bring up the $31 per share offer from Microsoft that Yahoo spurned, although Bostock never seems to tire of highhandedly laying all the blame for the mess at Microsoft’s feet alone.

While the departure of Bostock would probably be enough, I would say a lot of the longtime members of the board should also probably contemplate moving on, to make way for some fresh eyes on the board and to free Bartz to do what she wants without their meddling.

Given that several directors also wanted the CEO job, according to sources, the board will likely continue to be more bothersome than helpful.

While not the boldest pick by this largely ineffectual and slow-moving board, it has finally made a definitive move by picking Bartz and should now get well out of the way.

Because, unlike the Yahoo directors, Bartz cannot really be judged yet, and one must give her the benefit of the doubt and let her try to fix Yahoo in her own way.

She certainly has the experience as a seasoned tech veteran, from 14 years at Autodesk (ADSK), and she also has the goodwill of Silicon Valley.

Left to hire her own team and take advantage of the massive amount of talent that still miraculously exists at Yahoo, Bartz has every chance of reviving a company ripe with great assets.

That is, if Bostock–who led the search to hire her–would give her a truly great gift of the cleanest slate possible for Yahoo, by bidding her farewell and godspeed as he heads out the door.

Oh, BoomTown really likes Carol Bartz as Yahoo CEO already.

In Yahoo’s conference call this afternoon, she lectured everyone sternly to give Yahoo some “friggin’ breathing room” and also noted that the company “frankly, could use a little management.”

The latter is stating the very obvious, but we like hearing it anyway, and Bartz sounds like she is running the show from the get-go.

It’s like watching a digital version of “The Gladiator”!

So, here is Boomtown’s live blog of the Yahoo (YHOO) call, starring Carol Bartz as its new CEO:

2:35 pm PST:

The conference call started with Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock, who stumbled at first and called Bartz “Carl”–Icahn on the brain?–before recovering and waxing effusively about the new Yahoo CEO and former Autodesk (ADSK) head.

He also thanked outgoing Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang and President Sue Decker, who is also resigning, it was announced earlier today. They are not present, it seems.

Frankly, Bostock is the one who should also be on his way out the door, given that he has also presided over Yahoo’s huge decline in market share and its myriad stumbles.

2:41 pm PST:

Bartz’s first word as CEO, of course: Yahoo!

But Bartz crisply took the bull by the horns at the start and said she will “seize the opportunity.” She sounded kind of scary, but in a good way.

She then laid out her many choices–search deal, etc.–but no decisions yet, you impatient curs!

And she calls herself a “straight shooter” in a really straight-shooter tone.

“My focus is on turning the company around,” she said flatly.

Oh, that. But, to be honest, it’s the best idea I have heard from Yahoo all year.

2:45 pm PST:

The floor is open for questions.

The first is about how she was approached and how she looks at Yahoo’s business.

December, she was intrigued, blah, blah.

Bartz then sharply raised the game, noting that Yahoo and its assets “frankly, could use a little management.”

Ouch, Jerry and Sue. A slapfest from the get-go!

She also thinks it “nonsense” to think that Yahoo was not feeling great about itself. In other words, shape up, Yahoo!

Bartz uses the word “nonsense” in that end-of-discussion way, like someone who has kids and knows a thing or two about nonsense.

End of discussion?

Not until she answers another question about Yahoo’s situation by noting that the company needs some “friggin’ breathing room” and that it’s time for all those outside the company who are endlessly yammering about what Yahoo needs to do, to shut their pie holes.

Uh-oh. Carol is not going to like pie-hole-yammering-about-Yahoo-obsessively HQ, also known as BoomTown.

I briefly consider a new career in real estate, before deciding to stay on the Yahoo CEO-stalking beat until she gives in.

A new challenge! Just when I thought the telenovela was lagging, it heats up with a new twist.

And, from the first call, it’s clear Bartz is a very new twist–a tough-talking, take-no-prisoners CEO for a company that needs one desperately.

Of course, Bartz cuts the conference short in about 15 minutes, after just three questions. (She totally did not take mine, which would have been: “Why, Carol, why?”)

She noted that she was off to a management meeting, which is much more important than chit-chatting with annoying press and analysts.

Bartz certainly has her work cut out for her, which she seems to be doing at the start with some verve and sassy punch that will hopefully reinvigorate the troubled Yahoo.

As Maximus said: “I knew a man once who said, ‘Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back.’”

So far, Bartz sounds like she knows how to smile.

As reported by BoomTown and others, Yahoo has officially selected former Autodesk (ADSK) head Carol Bartz as its next CEO, effective immediately.

She will also join the Yahoo board.

In a press release this afternoon, Yahoo also said President Sue Decker is resigning after an undetermined transition period. She has been at Yahoo almost nine years.

Decker was one of the internal CEO candidates, but she and outgoing Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang have been badly tarnished by Yahoo’s weak performance of late.

About the Bartz appointment, Yang said in the release: “I couldn’t be more pleased with the Board’s choice of Carol Bartz as CEO and look forward to returning to my former role as Chief Yahoo. I believe Carol is the ideal person to take Yahoo! forward and I will be honored to be a resource to assist her in any way she finds helpful.”

Carol Bartz said: “Yahoo! is a powerful global brand with a great collection of assets, strong technology, and enormously talented employees….There is no denying that Yahoo! has faced enormous challenges over the last year, but I believe there is now an extraordinary opportunity to create value for our shareholders and new possibilities for our customers, partners and employees. We will seize that opportunity.”

Cue the trumpets and fanfare! All hail the conquering Carol!

Well, maybe not, considering the dire straits Yahoo is in.

But you can read all about it below, while I ferret out the real information about what’s to come next.

Here’s the official Yahoo press release:

Carol Bartz Joins Yahoo! as Chief Executive Officer

Yahoo! will host an analyst conference call to discuss today’s announcement at 5:30 p.m. Eastern Time today. A live webcast of the conference call can be accessed through the Company’s Investor Relations website at http://yhoo.client.shareholder.com/index.cfm. The dial-in number for the live conference call is (888) 253-4037. Participants calling from outside the United States may dial (719)867-0591. The passcode 379105 is required to access the call. In addition, an archive of the webcast can be accessed through the same link. An audio replay of the call will be available following the conference call by dialing (888) 348-4629 (Primary) or (719) 884-8882 (International), reservation number: 379105.

How did BoomTown forget former Autodesk exec Carol Bartz for Yahoo CEO?

Yahoo certainly hasn’t. According to several sources familiar with the Yahoo (YHOO) search for a new leader to replace Co-founder Jerry Yang, the company is looking hard at the longtime and high-profile Silicon Valley executive (pictured here).

Many I have spoken to inside and outside of Yahoo with knowledge of situation said the company is winnowing down its list to a few internal and external candidates and Bartz is a favorite.

While some speculate that Yahoo could announce a candidate sooner than later, it’s long past when Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock promised some big investors a new and serious leader would be in place.

Some sources close to the board still think Yahoo could still end up opting for one of its own.

If so, the leading choice is most likely board member John Chapple, former Nextel CEO, although sources say he does not want the post now, preferring an outsider for Yahoo CEO. The other board member mentioned is Maggie Wilderotter, a former Microsoft exec.

Whoever gets the job needs to move quickly on a range of actions needed–from deciding the strategy with regard to a search deal with Microsoft (MSFT) to determining whether a long-running merger deal with Time Warner (TWX) online unit AOL should happen.

So far, Yahoo’s board has also gotten a lot more rebuffs from outside execs than expected for the top spot.

This is no surprise, due to the highly difficult task of turning the company around. While rich in assets and online traffic, Yahoo has suffered over the last year from a range of internal and external troubles.

Bartz is certainly an experienced and very well-regarded tech exec, with the talent to turn things around. She served as chairman, president and CEO for 14 years at the San Rafael, Calif.-based company that makes design software.

While there, Bartz presided over huge growth at Autodesk (ADSK), stepping down in April of 2006, and has since served as its executive chairman.

She also put in stints at other big tech companies, including Sun Microsystems (JAVA), Digital Equipment Corporation and 3M (MMM).

More interestingly, Bartz is also on the boards of a blue chip list of companies and organizations, including Intel (INTC), Cisco Systems (CSCO), NetApp (NTAP), and the Foundation for the National Medals of Science and Technology.

Yang is also on the board of Cisco, and Yahoo President Sue Decker is on Intel’s, so Bartz is a well known quantity to Yahoo.

She is also exactly the kind of serious, seasoned public company CEO with tech experience whom Yahoo’s board has told investors and others it is looking for, with skills to pull off mergers and think strategically.

But Bartz also was in charge of a more old-school kind of tech company, and has less experience in the faster-moving Web environment that prevails now.

Although she toughed it out successfully, Bartz underwent difficult times during the Web 1.0 era, in fact, when investors were worried about Autodesk’s prospects in the online era.

Still, Bartz also has less advertising experience, which is Yahoo’s principal business.

Nonetheless, she is well-liked in the tech community and has ties to key companies Yahoo must deal with, including Microsoft.

Whether Bartz herself is interested in taking over a massive overhaul like Yahoo is unclear. I reached out to her for a comment, but have not heard back yet.

According to her resume on Autodesk’s Web site, Bartz holds an honors degree in computer science from the University of Wisconsin.

BoomTown’s got nothing, which is not something I like to say very much.

I am talking about the Yahoo CEO search, which is either being done by the Internet giant’s board in such elegant secrecy and with such amazing stealth that it is getting by everyone.

That or it’s business as usual for the Yahoo (YHOO) board, which so far has never met a challenge for the company it could not drag out painfully and with great public dithering.

I am hoping, of course, it is the former–that my crack sleuthing skills have been frozen solid here in Buffalo–and the choice will be announced to great fanfare by year’s end (which is, er, tomorrow).

But from reporting I have done over the last several days, the latter seems to be the case and Yahoo might not have a new leader in place for a few weeks at least.

Still, I vote for tomorrow!

But, if I had to make a prediction, Yahoo will pick an external candidate among the several candidates it is vetting now, given the time this has taken and also the need to show Wall Street, investors, their employees and the rest of us it intends to change.

In any case, if Yahoo cannot land someone by the end of January, many sources I spoke to expect the board to pick one of its own–most likely, former Nextel head John Chapple, a new director.

I have also heard that longtime Hewlett-Packard (HPQ) exec, Vyomesh (VJ) Joshi, who runs its massive imaging and printing group, is also a possibility, as well as others on the board.

When Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang announced he was stepping down in mid-November, sources I spoke to said the board was ready to act with urgency and boldness to get a leader in place to drag the company out of the doldrums.

It even made a little list, as I wrote in a post:

The board, though, has apparently made a list of six–I have no idea why that is the number chosen–clear criteria for the new leader of Yahoo.

The first is that the candidate have ‘extensive’ experience as the CEO of a public company. Another calls for media and advertising expertise. And mergers and acquisitions experience. Also strategic skills.”

While sources inside and outside the company say several candidates were considered and contacted, thus far there is no clear front-runner, as some–such as News Corp. (NWS) COO Peter Chernin and former Vodafone (VOD) CEO Arun Sarin–have discounted their interest so far. (News Corp. is the owner of this Web site.)

One response to my progress of the Yahoo CEO search from an insider was typical: “Not a peep. Oddly quiet.”

A major reason for the lack of swiftness might be Yang, who is very involved in the search along with Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock (who might think twice about parking his chauffeured car with his name splashed on it somewhere else than in front of Yahoo, for all the emails I get about sightings of it).

Many sources said Yang is intent on getting the CEO choice just right, given so many other missteps made under his management.

“This is his last act and he is really serious about not making a bad choice,” said one exec who has talked to Yang.

That kind of consideration takes time, of course, even though many think that a bit of decisive speed might be a good thing to see from Yahoo right about now.

Still, with the holidays, as well as the weak economy, Yahoo is no Shangri-La for potential candidates.

In addition, Yahoo will wrap up a quarter this week that is sure to be especially weak, given all the internal and external turmoil.

“It is a very tough job and anyone worthwhile has to think long and hard before taking it,” said one person who has been contacted by Yahoo’s headhunter, Heidrick & Struggles, about interest in the No. 2 job at Yahoo, once a CEO is found.

This concept being bandied about is to put a new top team in place to replace Yang, and possibly President Sue Decker, who is the leading internal candidate for CEO.

Interestingly, a COO/President choice is perhaps the more interesting choice for Yahoo, since the field of candidates here widens considerably and has a lot more digital experience.

But first, of course, the CEO needs to be picked, and that’s still to come, delaying everything from doing a deal with Microsoft (MSFT) over search to buying Time Warner (TWX) online unit AOL, all of which are being pushed into 2009.

Well, only the Yahoo board knows for sure who that will be, although I am still digging away like a rabid gopher to find out more.

But here is a great music video of Val Emmich singing “(C’mon), Get On With It,” to spur the Yahoo board on:

BoomTown really does hope that in some secret airport hangar right now Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer and Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang are meeting, in order to hammer out a fair search deal that will benefit them both.

I’d even insist that Yahoo’s noisiest board member, activist shareholder Carl Icahn, be there too, to make sure all sides were copacetic and there would be no last-minute switcheroos and backstabbings.

Because, long ago in galaxy far, far away, what is now going on between Microsoft (MSFT) and Yahoo (YHOO) would have seemed inane.

I am talking about this past January, of course, when the idea of the pair doing some kind of partnership together to fight off the aggressive march of Google (GOOG) would have been been easy to imagine and perhaps even to pull off by the pair of star-crossed tech companies.

Instead, they have been bickering and puffing their insufficient-to-the-task chests out at each other to little true effect. Meanwhile, back at the organic ranch, Google racks up more share of the search market by the minute and aims to do the same in mobile and video.

And while everyone is suffering in this economic meltdown, including Google, it’s clear that it’s better to be ready to rumble when it inevitably ends than it is to be still dithering over a deal that seems also inevitable but never seems to take shape.

The latest development in the story has been Microsoft’s hiring of a well-regarded former Yahoo search and online monetization star named Qi Lu. It was a great get by Microsoft, coming after another recent important hire of another Yahoo search exec, Sean Suchter.

And there are more to come, many sources tell me, as Microsoft puts the pressure on Yahoo by sucking the talent right out of the place.

Not a bad idea, especially if Microsoft is intent on spending big-time to strengthen its online bench to battle Google.

While he grabbed talent, Ballmer extended a bit of a wilted olive branch to Yahoo in an interview with The Wall Street Journal after the Lu hiring (thanks for nothing, Frank!).

Said Ballmer:

We’re fully prepared to compete without any partnership with Yahoo. We don’t need to act. Would it be advantageous for both of us to make a deal? Look, the fundamental basis for doing the search deal with Yahoo has to do with critical mass in the advertising marketplace. It doesn’t have to do with technology, or any of these other things, it really is a market phenomenon. Together we would have more advertisers….which means we’d have more relevant ads on our page. We’d have higher monetization levels possible in front of us because there would be more people bidding on more key words. Most importantly, Google would have perhaps a real credible competitor sooner.”

And the hiring if Lu and Suchter would surely help in an integration, as Ballmer also said in the Journal interview.

Microsoft needs all the muscle it can get because its money-losing efforts so far have not added up to much in the way of share or innovative influence. (And no, I will not ever admit Live Search Cashback is innovative or massively effective.)

The problem is that buying talent is just a tactic–a nice bit of thuggish mugging Microsoft has long been so adept at, to be sure–as one way to force Yahoo into a deal.

But it is not a strategy and in the end, does not give Microsoft what it needs, which is a serious stake in the game. By that, I mean real share, from 20 to 30 percent.

One person close to the situation said it perfectly to me recently: “Microsoft can hire every Yahoo engineer in the place and that still wouldn’t mean it would get to the kind of market share it needs to have to truly compete.”

Ballmer, of course, is now apparently in one of his famously stubborn moods, telling many people (who have recounted his sentiments to me) that he has tried and tried again, does not know who at Yahoo has the power to get a deal done and that he will only do a deal when Yahoo comes to Microsoft ready to go.

He is right about the first two. As to the third, I am perplexed why he would wait even a second and is instead–for once in his life–acting patient. Again, it kind of makes sense tactically, I guess, to drive a better deal.

But, if it is to work well and be a long-term successful partnership, Microsoft has to give Yahoo a decent deal anyway, right?

And what happened to the Ballmer who scared me a little bit when he almost jumped out of his seat at his most recent appearance at the sixth D: All Things conference, loudly declaring that Microsoft keeps “coming and coming and COMING!!!”

Where’d that guy go?

Instead you get this waiting-to-be-asked-to-the-prom stuff from Ballmer in the Journal interview:

I think good ideas are usually better done quickly than slowly, so it would probably be better for both us, and certainly for Yahoo, if we were to do it sooner than later. But at the end of the day, that would have [to] be something Yahoo would be as interested in as I have expressed our interest.”

As for Yahoo, I am not sure what to say, except its options are running out fast.

While its efforts at innovating search are promising–Yahoo’s BOSS (Build Your Own Search Service) this week showed nice traction, with 10 million queries a day for the customized search products–it is still not enough in the face of Google’s power and Microsoft’s financial heft.

But, according to sources and also several people Yang and Yahoo Chairman Roy Bostock have spoken to recently, there is still a debate among directors as to whether a search sale or partnership with Microsoft should be struck.

I think that’s why Icahn has been so mouthy of late in the press about the importance of doing a search deal. If it were all lined up and ready to go, he’d be as silent as a church mouse.

“Carl likes to agitate any way he can and now that he is a director, he has to be more careful,” said one person who knows him well. “This talking it up is his way of trying to push it through, since he still does not have board support.”

According to numerous sources, in fact, Yahoo leadership is worried about the leverage it would have in doing a deal with Microsoft, and some think a merger with AOL needs to be completed first.

Actually, if Yahoo did manage to do a search deal of almost any kind with Microsoft first, the impact would surely lift its stock–even now–and give it the valuation needed to complete the AOL deal.

That’s definitely the feeling now at AOL owner Time Warner (TWX), said many sources, which dearly would prefer that Yahoo strike a Microsoft search deal first, get its stock closer to a decent level, appoint a new Yahoo CEO and deliver a clearer idea of its path before Time Warner commits to selling its online assets to Yahoo.

“Yahoo has trouble making decisions,” said one source there, who acknowledges AOL’s own weaknesses readily. “So we’re not entirely confident in placing our fate with them.”

Indeed, clarity is always a preferred state, and many I talked to think that getting there would be easier than either Yahoo or Microsoft thinks.

“It really could be done quickly if they would only stop plotting all the chess moves and do something,” said one source. “This is not a game.”

No, it is definitely not, because a game is supposed to be fun, and watching this unfold is anything but that.

It’s not even a game, according to Ballmer in the Journal interview, at the very end.

Tellingly, he compared the struggle with Yahoo to an old cliché of a story about outrunning a bear (it used to be an AOL exec favorite too, so I know it well):

I don’t know if you know the old story about the two guys out in the woods who see a bear, and one guy says, boy, we’d better really run fast, or that bear is going to get us. We’ve got to run faster than the bear does. And the other guy says, no, I’ve just got to run faster than you do. In this economy, maybe that’s the right way to think about it.”

Years ago, Ballmer said almost exactly the same thing to me and others present about distant No. 3 Microsoft not necessarily having to catch No. 1 (Google) if it could chase and knock off No. 2 (Yahoo) and grab that spot instead.

Strap on your sneakers, Yahoo.

Please see this disclosure related to me and Google.